Just on the IDELAY, it took me a while to figure out, but they can actually be inserted between fabric to fabric connections. Vivado seems to do a bad job with them though so I've had to lock their posititions to avoid routing failures. I'm not using them to simulate differential matching as you suggest, just to control delays from one pair to the next. It looks like Digilent won't supply trace length information for their boards and also no gerbers so my plan to compensate through extra trace lengths on my board will only be possible if I measure trace delays which seems like a bad idea.
I'll consider a single ended to LVDS converter because that would certainly make the problem go away. Initially I'm worried about the jittter performance of that route.
I have used the Z7 for another project so that's what I feel comfortable with. The CMODA7-35T looks like it might work, but I'll need another Arm dev board with ethernet and a command connection to the CMOD for that to work for me. I'll look at the Mimas-A7 as well.
Thanks for your thoughts! I appreciate it.